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Blank Canvas

Asbestos ceiling. Dealing with shadows of a recent past. It isn't real. Now I've come so far. The mind plays its games, it won't always be the same: Surrender to presence and be who you are.

It isn't real anyway
From the truth it is so far.
What would old Eckhart say?
You get there realizing it's already where you are.

My story is I tried hard. My story is you gave up. Your story is that I broke your heart. The truth is two minds both compete to win, but love is not as easy as a hand of poker cards. 

Now I stare into the mirror. 
My face is a blank canvas. 
I can choose whoever I want to be. 
I don't need another's reassurance. 

 

'You and me'. A mistaken identity. 

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Self Repair

I've been walking down these grisly tracks,

All I own on my back.

I don't know where I'm gonna go, safe to say this story's been told.

Self-repair, I've been this way too long.

 

Does she know what I do alone when I get off the phone?

I can say my spirits are down, I've been actin' a clown.

 

Twice a week and not a shot. A glance towards me and my insides rot.

Detest my feeling for they trap me in a cage. Searching for new ways to engage.

 

Does she know what I do alone when I get off the phone?

Close that door and sit right down. Peek to make sure no one is around...

 

Not sure she's worth this song. You bet I'm still waiting for her to prove me wrong.

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Lifestyle Science

Been thinking about yesterday a lot.

Failure comes at a price: poor sentiments filled with spite.

And even all those experiences I've had...

 

I couldn't add it up, mistakenly sad. A sick reflection of thinking caps.

Manufactured animosity stills stands.

 

A stiff competition between similar minds, trying to populate mankind.

A superficial burden to get real drunk. Puking transparently, my ship had sunk.

 

I'm breathing better now, understanding how it went down.

Desperate anticipation drowned. I'll take the world on.

I'm breathing better now, understanding how it went down.

Turned my view around.

I'm breathing better now, understanding how it went down.

New motivation found so I'll take the world on.

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Serin's Vending

Oniv don't know...

...She's the number one fan of the consummate mystery man. 

 

Months of waiting for the golden opportunity. 

Her Invitation gladly accepted to the chance of the moment factory. 

Play it cool, have a laugh! It's time to get her wondering. 

A heartless pass from a heartfelt chump leads to his own emotional battery. 

 

 

...He's defined by that which she says he can't have. 

... "You're a beautiful man, and I want you to know it."

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No Safe Word

I wanna throw you on and off the bed. 

I wanna pull your hair and slap your ass. 

I wanna mold you like pizza dough. 

I wanna use my tongue like massaging jello. 

 

But you don't want this complexity. 

You're confusing ethics with chastity. 

Couch conversations. Psychology. 

My fingers went in, hardly the lottery. 

 

Oh, when I see you my dick points north. 

I wanna marry you so we can get a divorce. 

I'm gonna bide my time and wait for your eyes,

To show relinquished strength - we'll hit the night. 

 

Then it'll be you pursuing me. 

You'll jump my bones, use the right amount of teeth. 

I'm gonna send a shiver straight down your spine. 

Unrequited lust. No safe word's just fine. 

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Advent of an Avatar

This existence craving structure. Fetal ideals ruptured. Post-cognitive concepts discovered.

Epiphanic conclusion + reached by delusion + debated in exclusion = A Psychiatric Collusion!

But it’s still a bright day, nothing ill in the way. For ignorance decays.

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His Poison

A mental obsession I dread,

And I owe it unto him.

Who is frequently breeding sin.

An awkward situation I’m in.

 

Caging my efforts,

To produce well-inclined.

Coasting remotely,

Drowning my pride.

 

This train of thought is insane.

Awaiting the massive change.

Nothing more to gain,

From my own disdain.

Then rationalize spite!

Give defiance a try.

Reflective insight:

Having the time of my life.

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Private Beach

Bubbles on top of water,

Gliding waves preface the bay.

Netted views, the night improves.

Salt walls, beer and rain.

 

At the aquarium, you’re in the people tank.

Stare and stab, they take last laugh.

Plenty of hep, sick cool kids to meet,

Private Beach.

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When Your Worst Enemy Gets The Girl Who Turned You Down Pregnant

It was only rubbing alcohol the night my intelligence flawed.

What was once years and years of fear has been cleared.

 

A savage wreck planting stress in the neck.

But this news is the best I would detect.

All that was going for her will now be stretched.

 

Laugh on end, they’re falling to debt.

Future unhappiness is all one can detect.

A suicidal chapter for this shit-eating wretch!

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Outrageous Disco

Leave me out of therapy. Prescribed best as comes green.

Keeping fragile dignity of ones relieving guilty feelings.

 

Ruining faith is wry. Insecurity breeds reason to destroy!

Seeing how it relates to me, elates a dormant emotional economy.

 

But completion is not a goal. A sterile thought on morality.

A concept birthed from self-righteous toll. Staying quiet is now my reality.

 

Don’t you dare think aloud!

Stay “head in the clouds”.

Only do what I’m allowed.

This has all the makings of one outrageous disco!

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Love Portal

Enter love portal. Out of order. A dwarfing border, forever immortalized. Keeps your heart beating. Confidence defeating. Ever-leading to inquiries as to why? But once you enter, your chest will render the biggest cry.

And once you've conquered, don't even bother to request another. Just find some other selfish heathen beyond good reason.

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Bullets on Layaway

You seem to have radar for when I'm feeling independent again.

A coward do I brand you once more?

I am now speeding down a path. Your interruption triggers my wrath.

The failed love, standing at my door.

 

Bullets on Layaway. Forced to lock-and-load. I've been waiting for the battle cry.

It's been months since anything's moved me at all. Never tell me to never say never.

 

I would never seek your attention.

Never wonder where you've been.

Never feel a shred of self-doubt.

I try to deny you got inside. My innocence trampled by your pride.

There's safety in being a hollow shell.

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Trash Sex

Went out, a friend and I.

Two Amorons looking for love.

One stout, the other sly.

Cheap drinks. Atlanta. Monday night.

 

A trip across town.

There's a first time for every whim.

Time so delayed the shedding of one$.

A flacid dick and unflattering sins.

 

Did he point us that way?

Youth promotes calamity. We made a bad bet.

Failure to navigate.

Will I be okay?

VD verdict I await.

Dig some Trash Sex!

 

Confusion as to the mission.

Did that fuckin' cabbie earn commission?

I felt sick right away, as to provision.

Hit up a brothel on a Monday. Sexual prohibition.

 

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Leisure in Egypt

All this seems pretty cyclical. One man's hate drags the world down.

The fate of us all is ideological. Doesn't it feel great to lose control?

 

The theme here is not political.

It's at a morality level.

The hybrid of socio-psychological.

It's the offspring of too many people.

 

Ignorance's occupation is now adept. What one man wants, another man gets.

Leisure in Egypt put to test. Wireless rage spreads malcontent.

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Unique New York

I hadn’t been awake to rest.                        

Being back here... it’s like using answers from a useless test.

Conversely, it is the best!

Narcissism’s witticisms jeopardize any humility left.

 

 When battling wills coincide, stranger to pain-jerk comes alive.

Trick concepts infect the mind. A legacy I want to leave behind.

 

New possibilities surface.                      

Advantage-taking service.

Inspirational process for an emotional abscess. 

 

Poor character quality endowed in alpha folly.            

A bottom-earning drop is likely. Word is it’s very rocky.

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Curious Commitment

Did all he could to see off.  No explanation, acted tough.

A quarter’s worth was sadly enough. Unanticipated and rough.

 

Lazy; the commitment dies!         

They could see it when looking in his eyes.

Situation compromised.

This’ll help you find where your allegiance lies.

 

Promulgate bad habits, watch them birth. The fabric of one’s mind to unfurl.

Catalyst to a pain. Expel mirth. This whole goddamn thing makes me feel like a jerk.

 

Opportunity partially denied,       

To an end of galactic Starry Eyes.

Life’s position rectified,

If these shameful habits don’t quantify.

 

Curious commitment erased from stone.          

No one here can possibly be wrong.

To reality was blind. Now make the mistake of life. 

Giving up to fear of the unknown.

 

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Y'all Cloggers

Surely, it came right out. Passed with the help of lifelines. Indeed it happens everytime.

I build it up, then I let go.

A punishing pattern that which makes one grow.

 

To calculate your face. A grueling task, the cloggers testify.

No longer do i wonder why.

Shrouded in the deepest doubt. Under the trees I figured it out.

 

How will I spend these days?

In control or self-effaced?

I qualify in my own way.

"Y'all Cloggers gonna sell today."

 

Memories of dream decay. Proper nightmares in their own way. 

Awake they frighten just the same.

There isn't much more to say. But this confirms Dream Morality.

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Goblin Shark

Met her in a tapateria.

A Wednesday night in Barcelona, Spain.

He fell in love inmediatemente.

Pulled by the heart with a jagged chain.

 

A beautiful woman to fuck with his head.

No other to think of the rest of the trip.

A 5'4 brunette, curves, copper skin.

An Austrian princess to take pleasure in.

 

A goblin shark! Will tested.

Breaking down, feeling neglected.

She’s the only star in the sky he sees,

His failed proposal was embarrassing.

 

Some time later, she followed him to Nerja.

One night out with a bottle of Jameson.

Upon consumption they started dancing,

Kissing at this club so very late.

 

A lingering moment that never would pass.

Him and her so romantic at last.

Touching and laughing, they ran to the beach.

Doing the dirty with waves at their feet.

 

The goblin shark! The rest bested!

Built back up. Doubt arrested.

They’re the only star in the sky.

Dreams come true when one sincerely tries.

 

Masculinity-slobber-heat.

Along with the other creeps.

How to achieve defeat?

She ended up with the elite.

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Screen

I'm so happy we believe the screen.

I'm so happy we will be screens.

I'm so happy that screens own me, when we're the ones who created the technology.

 

Screen psychology.

Screen menagerie.

Screen catastrophe.

An oncological morality.

 

Now that you are just a chip.

Intel's apple os666.

Is the soul the same as software?

Processor affair.

 

Welcome to screen society.

 

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Civilization!

Plane to gate.

Landed late.

Yawn in place then

Crawl into…

 

Grab a cab. Bus and train.

Hosts await to claim the pay.

Random walks in a new place.

Observance applied rendering…

 

State the case.

Assimilate.

Procrastinate on the lessons of…

 

Can’t get out what wasn’t put in.

Thought provoked here challenges him.

Fright and shame, he wishes for home.

A dawning crisis: He is alone.

 

Self-awareness intimidates.

Unchecked feelings exasperate.

But prospects here are sure to elate.

And bountifully accounted for in…

Civilization!

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